These pages have been produced with the intention of assisting you in coping with both the practical and emotional problems associated with the loss of your loved one.

Bereavement is a distressing experience that all of us encounter at some time in our lives, yet it is something that is talked about very little in our everyday life.

This being the case we have very little opportunity to learn about how to cope with loss. Different people react in different ways, some people get stuck in the grieving process. The information here is designed to help with such eventualities as well as suggesting certain associations and businesses that can help with the practicalities and also help you to plan for the future.

Grieving is a natural process that can take place after any kind of loss. When a loved one passes away this can be a very overpowering emotion that has to run its course. There are a whole succession of different feelings that can take some time to go through and must not be hurried.
Although people are all individuals, the order in which they go through these feelings is very similar.

For some hours or days after the death of someone who is close, a feeling of disbelief is common, even if the death has been expected, say after a long illness, however, this feeling of emotional numbness can actually be a help in dealing with the various. practical arrangements that have to be made. This detachment from reality, however, can become a problem if it goes on for too long. To overcome this it can help to see the person who has died. Sometimes it's not until the actual funeral that the reality of what has happened finally sinks in.

After the feeling of numbness has gone it is often replaced by a sense of agitation and a yearning for the person who has died.

This can affect the bereaved in their everyday life, it may be difficult to relax, concentrate or even sleep properly.

Some people experience extremely disturbing dreams, others say that they actually see their loved one everywhere they go, more commonly in the places that they used to spend time together. It is also quite usual to feel angry at this time - towards doctors and medical staff for not preventing the death, towards people around them or even towards the person who has left them.

Another very common feeling is guilt. It is likely that the bereaved will go over in their mind all the things they wished that they had said or done, in some cases they may even consider what they might have done to prevent the death. Of course death is usually beyond the control of anyone, and they must be reminded of this. Guilt is often experienced if a sense of relief is felt when someone has died, particularly after a distressing illness, this feeling of relief is perfectly natural and very common and is nothing to feel guilty about.

These strong, confusing emotions are generally felt for about two weeks or so after the death and are generally followed by periods of sadness and depression.

Grief can be sparked off many months after the death by things that bring back memories. It can be difficult for other people to understand or cope with someone who bursts into tears for no apparent reason. Some people who can't deal with this tend to stay away at the time when they are needed most of all.

It is best to return to a normal life as soon as possible, try to resume normal activities. The phrase “time is a great healer" is in most cases certainly true, however the pain of losing a loved one never entirely disappears, nor should it be expected to.

For the bereaved partner there are constant reminders of their singleness. Seeing other couples and families can make it difficult to adjust to a new single lifestyle. The different stages of mourning tend to overlap and can show themselves in various ways. There is no standard way of grieving as we, being individuals, have our own way of dealing with all of life's trials, not least the loss of someone we love.

Children do not usually understand the full meaning of death until they are around three or four years old. Even so, they can feel the loss of a close friend or relative just as deeply as adults. Signs of grief and distress can be seen even in infancy.

Children also experience the passage of time differently from adults, which can make it seem as though they recover from grief more quickly. In their early school years, children may need reassurance that they are not responsible for the death of someone close to them, as they can often blame themselves for reasons that may not seem clear to others.

It is important that a young person’s grief is not overlooked. Many children avoid talking about their feelings because they do not want to upset or burden their parents. For this reason, they should usually be included in funeral arrangements.

Simply spending time with the person who has been bereaved can often help. Being close to others can be a great source of comfort. It is not always necessary to say anything, just being there is enough.

It is important that a bereaved person is able to talk and cry with someone without being told to pull themselves together. It can also be difficult for people to understand why the bereaved keep covering the same ground, talking and apparently becoming distressed about the same things over again. This is an important part of the healing process and should really be encouraged.

Not mentioning the name of the person who has died, for fear of causing upset, can indeed lead to a sense of isolation and can add to the grief of the bereaved.

Another difficult time when friends and relatives can help is festive occasions and anniversaries, which can be particularly painful for years to come.

Practical help with domestic chores and looking after children can all lead to easing the difficulties facing the bereaved. Elderly bereaved partners may need more practical help than most, particularly with financial arrangements - paying bills etc.

Some people hardly ever seem to grieve at all. They can avoid any mention of their loss, do not cry at the funeral and appear to return to their normal life remarkably quickly. For some people this is just their normal way of dealing with their loss and no harm occurs. However others may suffer physical illness and periods of depression for some time to come.

The sense of disbelief and shock can just continue and never seem to end and they cannot think about anything else but the loss of their loved one. Both these instances are damaging and there is a number of care associations who can help with this.

In some instances, sleepless nights can go on indefinitely, which can be a serious problem. The doctor may be able to prescribe something to help with sleep.

Bereavement can turn our world upside down and is one of the most painful experiences we have to endure. In spite of this it is something that some of us go through without the need for medical attention.

For those who do run into problems however, there is help available and you shouldn't hesitate to contact your family doctor.

We hope this information proves helpful. We wish to stress that this information is purely a guide. We will be pleased to help, in person, in any way we can.